Filipino Toxic Culture

Filipino Toxic Culture:

Filipinos are well-known for many great traits, such as hospitality, politeness, family-orientedness, and more. However, even with these qualities, Filipinos still fall short of perfection. Perfection is an ideal premise. And a Filipino’s imperfection manifests itself in a toxic version of Filipino culture.

Toxic Filipino culture often manifests in the form of shared beliefs about certain matters. It can either be shown in how many people see a coffeehouse chain as a status symbol or how skin tone is regarded as a sign of economic class.

Disclaimer: The cultures highlighted in this post do not represent all Filipinos.

Children as a “retirement package.” In their 40s, parents frequently stop working and live off their children’s earnings. This deprives the children of money and pushes them to forego or defer establishing their own lives.

Yes, we all appreciate that the parents took care of their children. But remember that the children did not choose to be born into this world. The parents made that decision. The parents then agreed to impose this burden on their children. Hence, often, parents do not plan for their own retirement; instead, they rely on their children to take care of them financially.  And then, this culture will pass on from one generation to the next.

As socially constructed, parents presume you have to “pay it forward” for everything they have done for you. That “giving back” may be financial assistance over time. It can also be pursuing their “dreams” instead of your own. For instance, you want to be a musician, but they compel you to become a nurse.

This culture is embodied by the belief that having a kid is necessary so that you will have someone to care for you when you are old. It may also include the assumption that the child will always financially support the parent as they age.

For instance,  a couple who wants to have children and hopes that at least one of them will be successful. In that way, you and the entire family will have a better life in the future.

What makes it toxic? Children often feel obliged to give back to their parents, even if it is at their expense, and failure to do so would label them as ungrateful.

If someone tries to better themselves, they are mocked, humiliated, and so on because it’s cheaper to knock down someone than it is to better oneself.

This Filipino culture is defined by a desire to prevent others from rising above you. And once they do, you want to pull them down so they can’t rise above you.  It is alternatively expressed as “misery enjoys company.”

A simple scenario is when someone succeeds more than you, you start spreading falsehoods and rumors about them to dampen their light.  Remember when you intended to skip class and encourage your classmates to do the same? Yes, this is the epitome of crab mentality.

Almost everyone is a devout Catholic. However, practically everyone has sex outside of marriage, has an affair, and so on. Instead of just acknowledging it, everybody denies it and then scorns those who do it. We know folks who met their spouse at a hotel and then went to church.

While someone younger needs to always “give way” when in a dispute or conflict with someone older, it’s toxic. Even if they are plainly wrong, you must be the one to “lose” the fight, yield, apologize, and be humble. If you don’t, you’re typically labeled as impolite and disrespectful.

When you shut out toxic family members in your life, others will call you out.  “She’s still your mother,” and “he’s still your father.”   You will be classified as a black sheep if you cut off a family member, particularly your parents.

This Filipino culture is usually displayed by someone older, who tells the younger one not to reason while being scolded. This may also occur at work, as demonstrated by individuals with more seniority.

A simple manifestation is when your coworker swiftly dismisses your ideas, claiming they worked with the organization for so long. Simply implying that they are older and have more experience than you. They may even tell you that they won’t work even after giving them careful consideration.

What makes it toxic? Being older or senior does not automatically imply that one’s stance or idea is right or superior. Additionally, this natural inclination routinely neglects the opinions of others merely out of bias.

Parents frequently make comparisons between their children. One will always be given the greatest privileges and “VIP attention” since they are brighter and overall better. However, those who are ordinary are often not complemented when they have modest achievements because they are nothing next to the smartest t kid.

For instance, a parent criticizes their second son for failing a subject and urging him to be like his brother, who always makes the honor roll.

What makes it toxic? There is an assumption that you are inferior to the person being compared to you in that regard, which ignores the fact that each individual is unique.

6- Blaming the government for everything

Traffic? The government is to blame. Poverty? The government is to blame. A “defeated candidate” in politics? The government is to blame. Inflation? The government is to blame. Sometimes, people can’t just sit down and work on themselves to contribute to the greater good. The trait of respecting the rules is often forgotten. Instead, they stand up and look silly by whining all the time?

The Filipino Time culture is conceived by padding 1-2 hours from the agreed-upon time, hence arriving significantly late for events or meet-ups.

This usually manifests, for instance, in dinner with friends scheduled at 7 p.m. It’s now 7 p.m., and you’re still in bed, debating if you should get out of bed. You arrive at the location at 8:30 p.m.

What makes it toxic? It is disrespectful to individuals who value time, and there is a subtle presumption that the time of the person who has waited too long doesn’t worth anything.

Family dynamics often portray toxic Filipino culture. Close family ties are often tested when relatives comment on a member’s physical appearance, profession or marital status, or private issues. This is how normally enjoyable family reunions can turn into dreadful experiences. Our families’ hierarchical systems also make our interactions feel far less democratic.

Moreover, some of our toxic Filipino cultures can also manifest in our interpersonal connections. Our ironic aversion to transgressions has made sugarcoating and using euphemisms commonplace—a harmful and fruitless default, especially when fundamental openness is demanded. We are also highly compassionate and forgiving, even to people who do not deserve forgiveness or mercy.